Pirates to buy government debt?

Pirates of the world, unite! Somalia isn't your true haven, and Citigroup isn't the big deal - Hungary is! Hungarian 'pirates' want to buy Hungary, and Hungarian debt. In the midst of a political war, a motion that appears to sanction money laundering as a state activity appears to enjoy five-party support, writes Andras Mozer in his newest editorial.

Last week, somebody sent a fake news story, cleverly written in the style of the Bloomberg news agency, claiming that Somali pirates wanted to invest their ill-gotten gains in buying up troubled Citibank.

Suddenly it seemed almost believable that the pirates would receive a credit upgrade from the big rating agencies, and that the pirates would indeed make a humiliating 10 cent offer for one of the world's largest banks.

"Maybe you aren't pleased with our offer, but we don't normally pay anything. You should be happy that we're giving anything at all for the shares," said the pirates' spokesman, Sugule Ali. One pirate told a newswire: "We're not pirates, more a kind of coastguard, and this investment means we'll be better able to carry out our tasks." It was funny, but not so unreal in a Hungarian context.

We haven't had a sea in Hungary for some time, but pirates have not been put off from coming here by a lack of coastline. Over the past 20 years, they've been feasting of us. We didn't have oil tankers, but we did have lots of state property and a very weak state which offered an ocean of possibilities. It wasn't hard work, either - barely a shot was fired. Privatisations, petrol bleaching, IT and other tenders, roadbuilding, housing associations, EU funding - just to name a few of the more prominent bits of piracy. The loot was horded up everywhere from Cyprus to the Cayman Islands.

After the happy 1990s, we're now seeing the coastguard make further progress. The former clients are taking off their slightly bloody clothes and buying elegant suits, playing the role of respectable coastguards and bringing their wealth back home. There's so much money around that it's no longer possible to buy a summer house in Croatia, Marbella or Mallorca. (Maybe the tax authorities could afford a budget air ticket to look into all those Hungarians with properties in those areas?)